Creating an inclusive culture; Create belonging by building relationships inside your community.

In my neighborhoods and surrounding communities, I’m seeing more Pride LGBTQ events and activities each year for those who finally get to “be themselves” publicly in a world that’s more socially acceptable to be different. But that is still a slow-moving train.

Unfortunately, the world is slow to accept people who are “different,” whatever that means to each person. I grew up in a small town in a rural area in the North East of the US and was sheltered as a child. Acceptance didn’t come easily to me. I was the “weird” kid that no one picked for dodgeball or to hang out with after school, which meant I spent a lot of time alone and watching TV. My generation was called “latchkey” kids because we didn’t have parents in the home; they were at work most of the time.

My family is very religious, and while I honor their beliefs, they are not mine. I’ve had to navigate the feeling of lack of belonging most of my life because life didn’t get any easier after school with constant job losses and economic challenges that left me on my own to figure out that I don’t need to try to “fit it” and it’s more about finding myself.

Not everyone knows who they are, and some of us are still trying to figure that out; I know I am. There are a lot of people in this world who tell us what we should believe, who we should listen to, what we should do with our lives, and how we should live to be “successful” by their standards, but what I’ve realized is that no one has the same “standards” anymore. Everyone has unique perspectives, beliefs, ideas, and ways of communicating, thinking, and expressing themselves.

I spent the last 20 years pretending to be someone else. Trying to impress a boss, please my family, convert a client, gain a friend, or keep a boyfriend around for more than five minutes before they ran for the hills.

Only after my 40s have I learned to cope with my mental illness and didn’t know much about how to deal with my challenges because I didn’t have access to the information. This sent me into a state of always seeking others’ approval, where I spent most of my life in approval-seeking mode — and I’m done with that.

Right now, I’m enjoying alone time — to an extent — to figure out who I am — at the age of 43. I’m guessing there are a lot of people like me, finding themselves at a loss for where they belong, how they “fit” into society if they don’t fit the “normal” expectations telling us how to be happy, which involves things we don’t have or don’t want. These are important factors in your endeavors to create a positive community culture. The past communities were made for “one-size-fits-all” audiences that served thousands of people, but all individuals are unique and have unique needs, challenges, and problems.

Create belonging by building relationships
inside your community

Communication with members effectively is one of your most valuable tasks as a community host. Many new community builders make the mistake of assuming members will connect organically, but this isn’t something that typically happens. On the contrary, it’s your responsibility to tell people how you want them to show up, modeling it for them within the space. Members need a guide to help them know who’s there and why they should connect to others.

To establish a good sense of belonging, you must clarify what the members have in common. Lay out how they can support each other through challenges. For example, you may be running a learning community with members at different stages of development — beginner, intermediate and advanced. If your community encourages mentorship, consider establishing a clear way for advanced members to share their experiences with beginners.

Community culture is how you invite and instruct members to participate, share, connect, and learn. It is the path for members to feel seen, valued, and heard. Culture is written into your community guidelines, demonstrated in your member testimonials, and expressed by members when they talk about your community to non-members.

The culture inside a community is understood as the language used and sometimes referred to as jargon that only the community members would understand. A community culture could include how members interact (in person, on a virtual call, or through text) and the depth to which relationships are forged. It doesn’t just happen; you need to nurture it actively.

Restructuring your community culture fit for members

Elisha Goldstein, the host of The Mindful Living Collective, needed to restructure his online community and contacted me for support. My first step was determining what he wanted to change about the existing structure based on his experience. Next, I evaluated its engagement, organization, and navigation. I then provided him with my recommendations for a streamlined experience. To clean up his space, we removed content that his members weren’t using.

Over the course of a few weeks, I worked with him to learn more about his members with a survey. We sent out a few questions through emails and within the community’s platform. What we got back were valuable insights about their experience. They shared why they spend time there and its impact on their lives. They described how fellow members have helped them navigate life challenges and what they’d like to see going forward.

Before we sent the survey, we knew members had asked for daily live meditations led by trained facilitators. But by asking directly, we found out things we didn’t know. Now my client no longer has to guess when to host these meditations or for how long. Thanks to the survey, we confirmed that the community is full of people with similar challenges who desire to practice mindfulness together. They also explained what allowed them to feel safe and seen.

Hearing them express what they valued helped my client gain renewed confidence in the culture he’d built and discover new features to support his members.

From that experience, we focused on intentionally providing space for the members to connect during the coaching sessions. In addition, we highlighted the accountability program. (He calls it the Accoutabuddy program).

The biggest step in understanding your community culture is talking with your ideal members. Let them tell you how they want to show up. As you prepare to do this, think back to the communities where you’ve felt seen and valued, which might make it easier to gather this feedback through conversations or a written survey.

In his book Tribes: We Need You To Lead Us, Seth Godin shares his vision of rallying followers, employees, investors, customers, clients, readers, or fans around an idea.

“Leaders create a culture around their goal and involve others in that culture.

Leaders have an extraordinary curiosity about the world they’re trying to change.

Leaders use charisma (in various forms) to attract and motivate followers.

Leaders communicate their vision of the future.

Leaders commit to a vision and make decisions based on that commitment.

Leaders connect their followers to one another.”

Email Deb@FindCalmHere.com for questions or comments.